3 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Calmer for Your Autistic Child

It’s almost Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving is supposed to feel warm, joyful, and full of connection, but for many parents raising autistic children, it often feels overwhelming instead because with Thanksgiving, the routines disappear, the house gets noisier, the schedule changes without warning, everyone has expectations, and your child feels all of it.

If your autistic child struggles with meltdowns, aggression, or big emotions during the holidays, please know this:

It’s not because your child doesn’t want to enjoy Thanksgiving, it’s because their nervous system feels unsafe.

Today, I want to share three simple strategies that can help your autistic child feel calmer, safer, and more regulated so your Thanksgiving can be more peaceful for the whole family.

But first, here’s a small moment that inspired this entire blog post.

One of my clients is known at school for her big emotions, hitting, kicking, yelling, and refusing to do schoolwork. Mondays are especially tough for her.

But something different happened this past Monday.

A staff member started dancing playfully in the cafeteria while waiting for the kids to line up.

And my client, who usually reacts quickly and intensely to stress, slowly started copying her. She raised her hands, swayed side to side, smiled a big genuine smile, and she even laughed.

One by one, each staff member showed her a new dance move.

She followed them and danced all the way to the classroom.
Surprisingly, she sat down in class on her own, did her school work, and even asked for more. She went ahead to dance again before getting on the bus home.

A few seconds of joy regulated her more than any correction, lecture, or consequence ever could.

This reminded me of something powerful:

Autistic children don’t need perfection, they need connection.
Connection creates safety, safety creates calm, and calm creates cooperation.

And that’s the exact mindset behind these three Thanksgiving strategies I’m about to give you;

3 Strategies to Make Thanksgiving Calmer for Your Autistic Child

Use Visual Cues for Every Transition

Thanksgiving often brings unpredictable moments; people coming over, sudden schedule changes, noise, movement, and new environments. Visuals give your child something solid to rely on.

Even a simple visual schedule can help your child understand:

• What is happening now

• What is happening next

• When it’s time to transition

• What the day will look like
  

You can use:

• Stick figures

• Printed pictures

• A quick drawing on paper

• A simple list of events

• Icons on your phone

Visuals make the unknown feel predictable, and predictable feels safe.

Build “Micro Independence” Moments

Confidence reduces anxiety. And confident kids cope better with change, noise, and transitions, especially on days like Thanksgiving.

Choose ONE tiny skill to practice during the holiday:

• Carrying their own plate

• Putting shoes by the door

• Wiping their face

• Cleaning up a toy

• Pouring water

• Helping set the table

• Throwing something in the trash

Small wins build self-esteem, emotional regulation, and resilience.

These little successes matter more than you think.

Regulate before the dysregulation happens

Here’s a secret I wish every parent knew:

Children regulate before they cooperate.

Just like my client needed a moment of dancing before she could follow directions, our kids need connection before demands.

Try giving your child a quick “emotional warm-up” before transitions or family gatherings:

• A short dance

• Big bear hugs

• Jumping 10 times

• Stretching

• Rolling a ball back and forth

• A calming song

• Deep pressure

• Slow deep breaths together

These micro-regulation moments activate safety in the nervous system, and safety is what reduces meltdowns, aggression, and anxiety.

As You Head Into Thanksgiving…

Please remember:

Your child doesn’t need a perfect holiday.

They don’t need perfect behavior.

They don’t need to “perform” for family.

They just need:

• Your presence

• Your patience

• Your calm voice

• Your compassion

• Your willingness to meet them where they are

If you can give your child just one spark of joy, the way that dance did, it can shift their entire day.

I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with gentle moments, warm connections, and tiny victories worth celebrating.